Can I Ever Trust Anyone Again?
When someone hurts or disappoints us over and over, it’s natural to distance ourselves. But sometimes the pain is so deep that it feels impossible to trust anyone again. Situations such as betrayal and abuse, or even death, can make us want to retreat from everyone rather than risk more pain by trusting again.
When we lose trust in people, we get skittish in our relationships, fearing that the bottom could fall out at any moment. The thought of being disappointed or taken advantage of again scares us. Feeling unprotected, vulnerable, and not in control, we’re alert to danger and always ready to strike back or run.
In one sense, trusting people is a choice to think the best of them. It is an aspect of love that, as the Bible puts it, “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). That means not second-guessing people’s motives or expecting them to hurt us. We choose to trust in this way by closely guarding our thoughts about others and thinking only things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). It also means forgiving others when they do hurt us, overlooking offenses when possible, and not keeping detailed accounts of the ways we’ve been mistreated.
In another sense, trust is feeling safe around others. Feeling safe gives us a sense of freedom in our relationships to love without holding back. Like the poet who laid down and slept peacefully knowing the Lord was watching over him, people who feel safe in relationships are relaxed, confident, and willing to make themselves vulnerable because the idea of others failing them in some way just isn’t on their radar.
Sometimes we want others to prove themselves so that we can trust again, and trust can often be built (or rebuilt) between two people through good communication and by consistently meeting appropriate expectations. But the truth is, as long as we look to people to give us confidence and security, we’ll never be free from distrust. Our confidence must be in God Himself. Rather than figuring out how to trust people, we must learn to trust God.
“It is better,” writes the psalmist, “to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Psalm 118:8). This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to have healthy relationships, but it does mean that God is our ultimate source of love, security, and hope for the future.
God is our ultimate source of love, security, and hope for the future.
Even with good intentions, people change, have bad days, and can be careless or hurtful. If we’re trusting in them instead of God, any disappointment makes our world fall apart. But God is infinitely trustworthy. He never changes, never has bad days, and is never caught off guard by the trials of life. He is all-powerful and all-knowing. He keeps His promises. His love fills up all the cracks in our hearts, healing our deep scars. When our trust is in God, we have a secure foundation for life. Even when things are hard, there is hope and healing. He gives us sure footing in treacherous places.
When we feel unsafe, He is our protector. When we can’t discern if someone intends good or evil toward us, God gives us wisdom. When we’re lonely, God is the perfect friend who will never leave us nor forsake us. When we trust in God, we turn to Him when we’re disappointed, and we’re comforted. Our relationships actually grow stronger as we look to God to meet our needs instead of people. God is so completely satisfying that we’re free to love others without always needing something from them.
Trusting God means that when we want to withdraw from others, we hold on to God’s promises and keep putting ourselves out there. Fear gets us thinking only of ourselves and our own protection, but God wants us to be a blessing to others, to love and encourage them and to meet their needs if we can. Instead of withdrawing, we obediently follow Christ in loving others intensely, unconditionally, to the point of giving up our lives for our friends—“greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
We can feel safe in our relationships, and we can choose to love well, but only when we focus on God and only with His help. We build our trust in God by spending time with Him. Studying the Bible shows us that He is trustworthy. Praying to Him—telling Him our fears and asking for His help, just as we would to an earthly father—invites His work in our hearts and lives. Obeying God gives us a chance to see Him come through, and our trust grows. As we ask God to open our eyes, He will show us how He has proven Himself trustworthy.
Additional Resources
Proverbs 3:5–6
Psalm 28:7
Adultery (one-page PDF)
Hope (one-page PDF)